Getting Better All The Time

Getting Better All The Time

By Jeff Kagan

One year ago, sex columnist and author Dan Savage created a YouTube video with his partner Terry Miller in response to the suicide of Billy Lucas, a 15-year-old high school student who faced seemingly unending ridicule and torment by fellow students for being gay. Savage felt there needed to be a way to communicate directly to troubled LGBT teens who were dealing with bullying, in most cases related to their actual or perceived sexual orientation. He and his partner Terry Miller created a 9-minute video and placed it on YouTube.  In the video the two openly spoke about homophobic issues they faced in their youth, but more importantly, how much better their lives became after high school.

Within the first two months of Savage’s video being posted, nearly 10,000 people recorded their own videos giving thousands of LGBT teens a reason to carry on with their lives and look forward to the future rather than dwell on the not-so-good-present. “It gets better.”

Celebrities, politicians, activists and people of all walks of life soon added their own stories via personal videos, sharing experiences and giving testimony to how their lives had improved since high school. The stories came from within the gay community, but also from many straight allies who offered words of support and encouragement. Even President Obama recorded a video telling LGBT teens,“It will get better.”  He continued, “More than that, in time you’ll see that your differences are a source of pride and a source of strength. You’ll look back on the struggles you’ve faced with compassion and wisdom.”

Visibility by the gay community in entertainment, fashion, politics and many other fields has become quite the standard in the past few years, however, the one area which has yet to breach the “pink barrier” is the wide world of professional sports. Sports are generally considered to be the final frontier on dealing with homophobia and acceptance of the gay community. Of the four major sports leagues in the United States (MLB, NFL, NBA, NHL), there has yet to be a single athlete to come out of the closet while still actively playing the game.  The few who have come out did so after retiring, many citing fear that their sexual orientation would create problems with their career and their lives as professional athletes. 

If we compare the anxiety of a gay teenager with that of a closeted professional athlete, we see many similarities.  It is possible that some professional athletes are in the same boat, worrying about how they are perceived by their peers, or how their sexual orientation might affect their lives – socially, physically and financially.  They witness homophobia in the locker room and on the court and they sense inherent bullying in the form of anti-gay slurs by fellow players and fans.  One example of this occurred earlier in the past year when Kobe Bryant of the Los Angeles Lakers was caught on camera using the word “faggot”.


Bryant justified his actions in a weak apology by suggesting he spoke “out of frustration during the heat of the game.” The NBA acted on Bryant’s indiscretion and fined him $100,000 (which isn’t much when compared to his $25,000,000 annual salary as the highest paid player in the league).
Sadly, Bryant’s actions are not isolated to one person or one team.  Many similar incidents occurred in 2010 and 2011 suggesting that homophobia is still widespread in professional sports.  Although the NBA responded to the issue, there needs to be more progress made at improving the atmosphere of the game, starting with team owners who are responsible for how their teams and players are represented to the public. This starts from the inside by having management express to their organizations and fans that homophobia has no place in this business.  The athletes need to hear from the top that their sexual orientation is not something they have to hide – it is not something they need to be ashamed of. A message like that would pave the way for an athlete to come out while still active in the game. It would create a better environment for the players and the fans, and best of all, it would create positive role models.


On June 1, 2011, the San Francisco Giants took a giant leap towards knocking down the “pink barrier” by becoming the first major league baseball team to release an It Gets Better video.  This began a growing trend amongst other baseball clubs who are now reaching out to the LGBT community with their own videos of support.  In recent months, four clubs have put out videos (San Francisco Giants, Chicago Cubs, Boston Red Sox and Baltimore Orioles). Four additional clubs (Philadelphia Phillies, Minnesota Twins, Seattle Mariners and Washington Nationals) have all announced their plans to do the same. 


But is this trend exclusive to baseball? Not according to Cyd Zeigler, co-founder of Outsports.com.  Zeigler points out that baseball was the only sport in season when the trend began. “The NFL was in a lock-out.  The NBA and NHL were in playoffs, and MLB was just the beginning of their season. It will be interesting to see what happens once the players and coaches are back at the facility.”

Outsports.com has recently announced a partnership with the It Gets Better Project™. The two organizations plan to feature videos by out LGBT people in the sports community.  Athletes such as Will Sheridan, Dave Kopay and Billy Bean have agreed to contribute their stories and messages to LGBT youth. The videos will be featured on the It Gets Better website, and also on Facebook and Twitter feeds for increased exposure.

Zeigler feels that public messages by professional teams and athletes will have a direct and positive impact on LGBT youth, as well as on the entire community. Following and playing sports are building blocks in our communities.  They help us to relate to one another.  They give us something else in common with our friends and families. Sports create tremendous social channels. “Being a fan of pro-sports teams and college sports teams, it’s all about community building.  That’s why these teams exist. You have an instant bond with people because you’re a fan of the same team.  And you have ups and downs with those teams.  So when you buy into that culture (the newspapers, the media, your parents, your friends)  and everyone is into the sports teams, to be a sports fan means being a part of the community and being a part of the emotional rollercoaster that all of the people around you are going on”, Zeigler says.

Over the years, he has reported on professional and amateur sports, and a number of the stories illustrate the closeted athlete’s experience of dealing with homophobia while playing. These incidents brought about anxiety and fear in the players, and that pushed them away from the sports they loved. For LGBT youth, lack of participation in something as integral as sports can have a drastic effect. Zeigler says, “Sports play a significant role in our lives, and if you’re not a part of that you feel different, really different, and alone.  The biggest form of camaraderie in small town America is sports, and if you’re not a part of that, you feel it.”

Many gay athletes eventually return to the sports they once abandoned thanks to the hundreds of LGBT athletic organizations across the country.  Jeff Butler is the head coach of the Shady Ladies of Austin, Texas – the 2010 NAGAAA Gay Softball World Series Champions. Butler and his batting buddies proudly take the field every week in hot pink and baby blue uniforms (which they proudly wear in their It Gets Better video, released in December 2010). The color choices are quite deliberate, as visibility and recognition are vital to this team and their goal of breaking stereotypes. They want their (often straight) opponents to know exactly who they’re up against. When the game is over and the Shady Ladies are victorious, stereotypes are crushed. Butler says, “When straight players see gay players perform at a level equal to or greater than the best straight players, it levels the playing field for the game.  That causes prejudices to dissipate and even disappear off the field as well.” He feels that sports have a unique ability to change people, cultures and society as a whole in ways that cannot be achieved elsewhere. 

The Washington D.C. Gay Flag Football League (or DCGFFL, for short) also works at eliminating stereotypes and helping make the lives of gay youths a little easier. They did their part to produce an It Gets Better video with their gay and straight teammates.  That video received so much positive feedback from across the country, the team decided to take things one step further.  In a partnership with Team DC, they are about to release a provocative 2-year, 2012-2013 calendar called Shirts & Skins, which features 36 gay and straight members of the organization, some posing in shirts, and others shirtless, for charity.  Jeff Spitko, a defenseman, and occasional quarterback, who plays with the DCGFFL says, “The outpouring of responses we got from the It Gets Better video was so compelling we just thought this would be an interesting way to raise money for an incredible cause.”  About half of the funds raised from the calendar’s sales will go towards a scholarship given by Team DC to local gay high school athletes.

As the It Gets Better Project™ expands, more and more groups like the Shady Ladies and the Washington D.C. Gay Flag Football League continue to do their part to give back to their community by encouraging LGBT youth with their personal stories. They share some of their pain and give them a little hope. Professional athletes and clubs are also stepping up to the plate to show their support, as well. When it comes to improving the lives of children, we’re all on the same team, combining our efforts towards building a better future for everyone. As most athletes can tell you, success in the game is all about teamwork, working together to reach a common goal. Just remember what every coach says, “There is no ‘I’ in ‘team’.”

But there is one at the beginning of “It Gets Better.”  And it does.

Please visit www.itgetsbetter.org for more information. Add your own story while you’re there.