Published in Next Magazine, July 15, 2011
Up Over The Net
by Jeff Kagan
Up Over The Net
by Jeff Kagan
Billy Bowden is happy. The 52-year old insurance and investment planner has found satisfaction in his life – providing yet another example that it does get better. Looking back through years, Bowden remembers a time when his life was not so great. In his junior year of high school, he began to notice that he was different than his classmates. And sadly, the signals that he was getting from his peers, and from his family, all told him that there was something wrong with him. He felt alone, isolated and afraid. He was gay and at 16 he didn’t know to face that fact. “I would drink myself blind to deal with the pain,” says Bowden, “and the drinking lead to cocaine, which lead to more drinking, and then more drugs.” This cycle continued for almost 20 years as his only way to cope.
On his 35th birthday, Bowden did some soul searching. He knew he was gay, but he had never said it out loud. He was petrified, thinking his family would reject him, his friends would leave him and his world would come to a sudden end. He realized that he needed help and he was now determined to find a solution the problem that had tormented him for more than half of his life. Bowden went through the yellow-pages and chose a psychiatrist on Park Avenue, assuming that the posh address might somehow equate to competency.
He took a breath and remembered a commitment he made to himself to solve his problem. “I unzipped my chest and put my heart on his desk and I just told him I think I’m gay.” That was the first time Bowden had said those two words out loud: “I’m gay.” The psychiatrist told him that he was not gay, but rather that he was going through a phase. Bowden asked why he would cry while praying for forgiveness in church. “You go to church??” asked the psychiatrist, “Oh, then you do have a problem.” He left the psychiatrist’s office and when he got out to the sidewalk, he started laughing so hard tears rolled down his face. He hadn’t laughed in months. It felt good. Luckily, he realized that this doctor wasn’t going to help him, and he kept searching until he found a gay psychiatrist who he could relate to better.
Bowden worked with the new doctor on dealing with the realization that he was gay, but there was still something eating away at him. One cold February afternoon, he ran out of his office and took off to Battery Park to call his psychiatrist on the pay phone (this was before cell phones were popular). “What the fuck is wrong with me!!!?” he screamed through the phone. He felt completely overwhelmed. As a result, he started drinking again. He went out six nights in a row, ending up in the hospital from dehydration. The next morning, on Ash Wednesday, he made the decision to stop drinking for 40 days. He challenged himself to see if he could do it. He got through Easter and set a new goal for himself: to get to Memorial Day. And then the Fourth of July and so on. And now, 16 years later, and he’s still sober. He accepts himself for who he is and he loves himself. Billy Bowden is happy.
Over the next two years in his sobriety, Bowden’s life turned around completely. He found a new job and moved into the Manhattan. He wanted to make some new friends in the city so he picked up Next Magazine and went through the sports teams listings. There he found the Gotham Volleyball League. “Back in college, the quickest way to make friends was to join a sports team. You’d instantly have whole new group of friends!” And the closet friends in his life are friends he met through the league.
Bowden currently serves on the Board of Directors for Gotham as Manager of Team Power Program which works with players to improve their volleyball skills. He also put together this weekend’s Gotham Fire Island Tournament Party, which will be held at The Deck in the Pines this Saturday night. The 22nd annual Gotham Fire Island Tournament hosts 250 volleyballers playing in the sand on the beach parallel to the Meat Rack. Set and Spiked! More at www.gothamvolleyball.org/info-fire-island-tournament.
QUICKIES
Fun, Pride, Run: Front Runners New York congratulates Natalie Johnston and Brad Gayman, winners of the 2011 Steve Gerben Awards for the being the first female and male FRNY members to finish the Pride Run, which was held on June 25. Additionally, Michelle Mazzara and Christopher Stoia were the fastest Masters runners in the Pride Run who received the 2011 Mickey Zacuto Awards. More info at www.frny.org.
Challenged in Chelsea: The NYC Gay Hockey Association held their 11th Annual Chelsea Challenge on June 17-19 at Sky Rink. The tournament hosted three divisions. Championship teams: The Daywalkers (Developmental Division); the Chicago Thrust (Recreational B); and the New York Lions (Recreational A). Congratulations to Lions Captain, Vinny Cericola on earning his 950th career point with the NYC Gay Hockey Association. Cericola, a straight ally, has been a true friend and respected leader in the organization since 2002. More info at www.nycgayhockey.org.
Balling, not Bawling: Congratulations to Captains Michael Ashburn and Wilfred Aguila, respectively, on their teams taking the Spring 2011 NYC Gay Basketball League A & B Division Championships. Aguila’s Splash Bar (B) team took down the Boxers 42-22. Ashburn’s Eagle Bar team soared high over Gym Bar, pulling out a win 53-48. More info at www.nycgaybasketball.org.
P--That stands for Pool: The New York Gay Pool League’s $800 Summer 9-ball Tournament has “racked-up” its regular season. The 1st place Stonewall Riots are going into the finals with the 2nd place Boxers, not to mention the Stonewall Stars and Boxers Briefs right behind them. Who will snatch up that cash? More at www.nygpl.org.
